There's something a bit suspect about 'Singles Nights'...

This Valentine's Day, I am 97% likely to be sitting on my sofa, cat on my lap, mother snoring on my shoulder, watching Poirot. Guaranteed, this isn't the most life-affirming way to embrace singledom on the single most patronising night of the year. But I bloody love it. There's something about the combination of a fine moustache, tweed and who-dun-it's* that just presses my buttons...

But that's just me. I realise that for some people, the idea of sitting alone in front of the TV with a bottle of vino getting quietly pissed and 'feeling sorry for themselves' is not the most exciting of options.

So aren't we all lucky that some kind, sympathetic people take it upon themselves to organize 'Singles' Nights'?

I can't think of two words which are more likely to result in the sudden onset of high fever/chronic anxiety/severe epileptic fits. Fancy wildly proffering your personality at the waiting masses - there'll be loads of people like you, with 'so much in common', because, guess what? You're all single. And alone. It's going to be great. Come and clutch at each others desperation and bitterness (which, of course, you all will feel, due to the intrinsically tragic nature of your lonely, lonely existence) with excruciating blind hope; it'll be the time of your life!!!

Now, to be fair, I've never been to a 'Singles' Night'. The reason for this is because they seem wildly paradoxical - in reality, they're not designed as celebrating 'single' life (whatever that is); instead, they're unabashedly trying to transform these 'singles' into people of a more acceptable status - well, that's what they want, really, surely? And there are lots of people out there who want, for many reasons, to find someone to have a relationship with, but let's not disguise our aims - singles nights aren't for singles; they're for wannabe couples.

And that's as it may be, but it leaves a desperate shortage of ways to actually have fun, outside of the 'heterosexual matrix', come February 14th. On an extensive Google search, all of the activities listed for single people were exclusively, without exception, marketed as ways of providing these people with the opportunity to 'find love', or at least a potential relationship. This is admittedly at least partly down to my hasty browsing skills but COME ON NOW.

Here's the few promising ways I have managed to find, which will hopefully mean you'll be able to have fun (without being made to feel like being single is the most pitiful mode of existence) come Feb 14th:

The Gay Village
I know that Baa Bar on Sackville Street is offering an 'Anti-Valentines Day'. I've always thought that 'Anti-Valentines' sounded weirdly militant, but this is night promises alternative rock music in an atmosphere of frivolous fun, with a cheerfully laid-back atmosphere. Annoyingly, there aren't any details on line, but you can visit Baa Bar's website for an idea of what kind of a night you're going to get.

I think that generally speaking, Canal Speak is probably the safe bet for a night out where the 'norm' won't be a load of smug couples.

Revolver @ Roadhouse
At least there won't be any vomit-inducing power ballads. It's usually pretty fun, but be aware that it is student-heavy and so probably not for everyone.

The Comedy Store
Although it's (unsurprisingly) marketed as an event to 'take your loved one' to, it's pretty much guaranteed to not be a pile of saccharin-sweet mushy nonsense. Weirdly, the website doesn't say who's listed, but there's usually a very high standard. Tickets available here.

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That's all I've got for now. Apologies. But you could always do a bar/pub crawl - gather, en mass, in your defiant singledom (I have an inability to write this without wanting to extensively mock myself and everything I stand for. I apologize for describing V-Day as if it's something Mubarak would want to quell), and just have a good time despite the odds. I heartily wish you good luck and all the best. If that fails, may I personally endorse zee duductive magique of Hercule Poirot.

In (somewhat naive) anticipation of a happy Valentines' Day,

Bonne chance!

*Tip from the top: The person 'who-dun-it' is almost unanimously the person who seems like they have the potential to be a 'darned nice chap'. Often found to be in seeming possession of an 'actual soul'. (I feel there's some mastery of philosophical wisdom to be made here, but I've got Gargantua and Pantagruel to read, darlings, no time for such cliched ponderings. Bugger off and cliche yourselves into oblivion, I'll be over here seething after spending £30 on books from the 'Medieval Literature' section of Blackwells. Least-satisfying-purchase-ever.)

MUSIC PLEASE

Right, here's a little feature I will be introducing. Basically, people tell me about songs they are loving; old or new, any genre, whatever. I have a listen. Every month I publish a new playlist.

So, please send me some songs so this can HAPPEN and stuff.

Meanwhile, here's this lovely gem:

And the classic:

Y'see? It takes all sorts to keep this little teapot dancing like a loon (in the middle of the street, to almost universal embarrassment of peers and family).

Absolute joy

Thanks to Chris for this baby. 

Things to be excited about in FEBRUARY

I'm finding February a bit of a bore. I know that for myself, along with countless other students, the end of exams brought about feelings of relief and freedom which meant a massive anticlimax as soon as term started up again, and brought with it book, after book, after book, after book, after book... you get the picture. This week I've faced a bit of a bummer as well; after deciding to apply for MA courses, before hopefully going on to train at a conservatoire, and securing pretty high-falootin' references from my tutors, I found out about the utterly ridiculously ludicrous stupidity of the current ELQ (Equivalent or Lower Qualifications) legislation [beautifully phrased post capturing the fact that they are all morons to follow].

So basically, I need some cheering up. Here's what I'm hoping will do the job/dunk the biscuit/bite the doughnut (are all my metaphors food based? Perhaps. Read on to find out):

QUEER CONTACT 2011
Contact Theatre: Monday 7th February - Sunday 12th February
'Featuring the cream of local, national and international LGBT theatre, dance, cabaret, spoken word, visual art and music,' I'm a bit late on the uptake with that one. It started on Monday, but in my opinion the best is still to come with what looks like breathtaking choreography by Peter Grist (see video below), performance and film screenings by queer artist-in-resident Qasim Riza Shahean and alternative cabaret night Eat Your Heart Out, featuring the particularly unforgettable Scottee.

If queer culture is something you're interested in finding out more about, then keep lookin' this way for a future post on queer in manchester, with interviews from performance artists doing their best to challenge the assumptions of the norm in city life. I'm just going to say now though, that just because this is stuff which questions gender and sexuality, it has a universal appeal in its acceptance of diversity and anything seen as 'at odd' with society. It's the type of performance I'm probably most excited about at the moment (yes, despite fitting into the category of straight, white, middle-class student) - it's out to bring about concrete change, and above all it really doesn't give a shizzaz what you think. It's audacious, daring and truly innovative, and I think that anyone who disregards it just because it's 'just for the gays' needs to take a deep breath, man themselves up a little bit, and pop along. Bam. Problem solved.

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HAMLET (Nicholas Hytner)
The Lowry, Salford Keys: 8th-12th February
Theatre Royal, Nottingham: 15th-19th February
New Victoria Theatre, Woking: 22nd-26th February
Milton Keynes Theatre: 1st-5th March
Theatre Royal, Plymouth: 8th-12th March
Theatre de la Ville, Luxembourg: 17th-18th March


The National Theatre's acclaimed production of Hamlet is now touring, and I'm going on a trip with the parentals to see it dahn sahf in Woking. My enjoyment of, let's be honest, one of the best plays of all time  is likely to be slightly thwarted by my dad's inability to stay awake for longer than half an hour, anywhere where he is expected to sit down (I've just realised that this is probably actually a medical problem like narcolepsy or some-such, and should be treated with appropriate concern. Awkward.) And the fact that he'll be snoring through the soliloquys, and some daft bat will probably decide that the  most useful way out of this is to spend the 3.5 remaining hours seeing how pointedly she can sigh (People say Surrey is a little bit behind on the alternative arts but all I'm saying is that they are top of their game in artfully designed performative breath-control...)

But still... if this promotional clip is anything to go by, it's going to be a pretty damn sweet treat (and genius use of music as well). The world of Hamlet is a world of malaise, disillusionment and apathy that strikes at the heart of today's postmodern scepticism. If Hytner's staged production manages to bring about the same effect of fragmented reality, through the same excellent unity of sound, light, action and word, as is exemplified in this clip, it's going to be special. Critics have found fault with the production for not 'reinventing' the text, but when the play's focus is such a universal feeling as the pointlessness of action, is this 'reinvention' really necessary? I'll see if I can find out and report back.

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Reet, that's about all I have time for in this post. But there's loads of other sheebum going down. And I will post, as I find. Lots of the best things I just find out about by wondering around the city - one of my favourite past-times. So I'll do some meandering, and be back with you non-existant little people out there.

Feb-tastic
xx

P.S. Beware: I have REALLY BAD FEET because of all of this wandering/wondering. Loadsa hard skin ahoy. Yummy nummy nummy. Thought you should know.

'ere, wot's that name aboot?

It's a weird thing, writing for something with no readers. Zero. Nill. 'No followers yet. Be the first.' Er, no thanks. It's a little bit terrifying, waiting for the inevitable public rejection, taking that ultimate risk of putting your thoughts, opinions and ideas out there, ready to be subject to derision, bewilderment and (worst?) embarrassment.

But actually, thinking about it, that's the point of this blog. Because people are out there, putting forward their opinions, voicing their ideas, in the full knowledge that what they say is far from what is considered the "mainstream". But I can't help but think that what I love as "art" (not in the sense of "high art", but in the sense of artistic development, and the incredible nature of creativity - the creation of new things) is the work of these people. People who take the bold step towards rejection - who, in short, overcome the fear of making a tit of themselves.

That's not to say that I don't love that incredible stuff which is almost universally accepted and left unchallenged - as a classical singer and a student it'd be just ignorance to ignore the overwhelming power of opera, the beauty of classical dance or some of the greatest feats of classical architecture. But it's important not to ignore what's considered as "niche". For me, nothing can beat the work of artists who can utilise their power to shock, to challenge, to reclaim. And this can be achieved through any medium, no matter how rooted in 'traditional' values they are.

This is a celebration of artists who aren't afraid to step into the public view and make a 'reet proper tool' out of themselves. And actually, that just comes down to being a blog about what I like; stuff that makes me excited, stimulated and inspired about a future of working in the creative industries. Along the way there'll be some funny, stupid stories from my life; my own little silly dances.

My aim: Saying a great big 'boo!' to self-preservation, rationality, dignity. And, of course, celebrating the eejits, numpties, people who just don't care, and the wonderful work they produce.

I hope you enjoy,

xx The Numpty xx